How To Get A Girl To Like You
By Andrex
Finding a girlfriend and keeping her is the prime
concern of any young heterosexual male. At some point
during his early teens, it becomes an obsession. It
is said that the sexual peak for men is nineteen. For
women this takes another ten to fifteen years. So
much for the myth that girls mature quicker.
Unfortunately for many young men, obtaining one of
these little nymphs is quite a trial. This small
percentage of the male population are known as “nice
guys.” Nice guys often go on the assumption that what
a girl wants is someone to treat her with respect. A
nice guy naively believes in true love and equality in
relationships. Alas, the nice guy finishes last.
What the nice guy is looking for is a Woman. Sadly,
from the age of adolescence to the mid to late 20's,
Women are scarce. Many of these girls eventually grow
into Women, though this is not always the case.
Nevertheless, in this day and age, women are too hot
of a commodity for the average nice guy. This writer
is primarily concerned with obtaining casual
relationships with
girls.
The majority of men, just like women, (note the lower
case w!) are jerks. In many ways these jerks are
dependent on nice guys. Chris Rock once said he
wanted his wife to have at least one, if not two other
husbands. “This other husband, he’s not gay, but
pretty damn close,” he explained. Many girls in
relationships with jerks have a gay best friend or
GBF. Rock is referring to the fact that the gay best
friend does not feign interest in the girl, therefore
he must be “gay.” He likes her for who she is.
Everyone knows she will never leave her boyfriend for
the guy she “should be with.” Thus, the nice guy
might as well be gay. The girl has everything she
needs. That is, the domineering asshole who she is
trying to change, and the sweet, sensitive gay best
friend. She can cry on his shoulder, tell him all her
problems, but she could never be with him. After all,
as she will repeatedly exclaim, “you’re too good for
me!”
So if what the girl truly wants is an asshole who she
feels she can change, why not give that to her? Why
should these self-centered jerks have all the fun?
You too can be a lout and get all the girls. The
first step is to become a cynical nice guy. Although
you may be a romantic, this will not win over a girl.
Only girls are allowed to be romantic. This mind set
will come in handy later when you find a girl. Keep
in mind that girls are there to service you, not vice
versa. No girl wants to be always doted upon; that is
their job. They long for are those little
inconsistencies that reveal you are a good person deep
down. If you are a prick to the world around you, but
show her a bit more attention, so much the better.
She’ll grovel for those moments.
The next step is to find an image. This is by far the
most important element to attracting a girl. I
should note that image and style are defined
regionally. For instance, in Australia, a
conceptional artist will not be as valued as much as a
surfer. Most high schools have much adoration for
athletes, however the average nice guy cannot take on
this role. Therefore, if becoming big hulking moron
is out of the question, try your hand at painting.
Talent is not important at all. Just pretend to be a
pretentious artist or intellectual. Make up books you
have read and wear horned rimmed glasses and tweed
jackets. Take a look at the indie rock and emo world.
In the past few years, these subcultures have paved
the way for the cynical nice guy to find his niche.
After years of being ridiculed in high school locker
rooms, skinny guys with glasses have become sex
symbols. Rivers Cuomo is a perfect example. He’s a
pretentious D&D geek who writes songs about having too
much sex. Of course Cuomo is a rock star, but notice
how many indie/emo boys frequent “the scene.”
Perfectly gelled, messy hair, horned rimmed glasses,
sideburns and retro clothing is like a uniform to them
– and girls dig the style.
If you are not a jock, but think you can pull it off,
go ahead! Go to the weight room and wear cheesy
muscle shirts and wind pants. Pretend to work out
even though you are probably only ogling the girls on
the treadmill. There are so many images which certain
girls dig. Some like the tall gangly, glasses
wearing, fake intellectuals. Others like punk
rockers. Pierce random parts of your body and spike
your hair. Safety pin anarchy signs to your clothes
and make up ridiculous political views. Remember, as
long as you put on the image of being cool, they’ll
probably fall for it. Looks are not nearly as
important for guys as they are for girls. Billy Bob
Thorton didn’t attract Angelina Jolie with his
stunningly handsome features. Marketing is by far the
most important step. Don’t lose that arrogant
attitude.
After you’ve found a style to impress all the girls,
make your move. Be overly confident when you approach
that girl in your gym class. Talk about yourself a
lot and let her know how cool you are. She is not as
important or cool as you and it is imperative that you
do not take in interest in her! If she senses a
compassionate side of you during the first meeting,
it’s all over. A sign will go off in her head that
says “tool! Gay best friend alert!” She has to
discover that side of you for herself later. If you
are an “athlete,” talk about your athletic feats. If
you are an “artist” or “writer,” tell her about your
“work.” No one understands your work because they are
sheep. They only appreciate what the mass media tells
them to like. After you have expelled all your
virtues on her, leave. Let her come to you and she
will. When she does, she’ll probably give you her
phone number. Casually take it and say maybe you’ll
call her. There are no sure things in this game.
Girls love drama and they love waiting and wondering.
After a week, contact her. Go
somewhere “romantic,” yet creative. Perhaps a café,
short play, then a walk around a scenic section of
town. Treat her well on the first date because after
this she will be yours for however long you choose.
Sporadic acts of kindness are the key, but don’t make
a habit of it.
Soon she will be your girlfriend. Depending on
whether you want to keep her, this next step is
optional. Most jerks just want a girl to pine for
them. They want to know that they can have this girl
whenever they want her. The girl is their possession.
You too can be a manipulative bastard. Do not call
her all the time. Let her do most of the phone
calling. This a subtle way of letting her know you
don’t need her. Drives them crazy! Be nice to her
when it suits you, except when you’ve been more
insensitive than usual. Buy something nice and tell
her how much you love her. She’ll forget everything
after that simple gesture. Be wildly passionate at
times, but reserved on a regular basis. She won’t
know when to expect to and it will be a constant
struggle to bring it out of you. Girls don’t give up
easily. Lastly, don’t forget to expose your
“vulnerable” side once in a great while. Just so she
knows it’s there.
Casual relationships can be fun, especially if they
involve having phenomenal, cosmic power over someone.
Unfortunately, these girls are frequently more trouble
than they are worth. They don’t know how to be loved
and they don’t appreciate kindness unless it’s
preceded by insensitivity. Do you really want some
girl with low self-esteem letting you walk all over
her? For this reason, I would like to warn any nice
guy who considers taking this guide to heart.
However, if you follow the steps, you can find out how
the other half lives. Then decide.
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